Forgivable Christmas
by Lilith Evanson
Summary: If I can handle the village hating me, the one I love not noticing me and being a monster, I think I can handle one lonely Christmas. SasuNaru


**A/N:** _I made this story two years ago, I believe, for Christmas. It became a tradition for me to write a Christmas story every year, first starting with Teen Titans and then I did Naruto, this being my third Christmas story when I started. Last year I did Bleach (which I will be submitting once I fix all my errors and such) and this year I will write a Full Metal Alchemist story._

It's been fixed. Only some grammatical errors were fixed. I tried to keep it the way it was when I originally wrote it, no matter how many times I had to hit my head against the wall.

**Disclaimer: Kishimoto-sensei owns them. I just use them for my amusement. **

* * *

**F **o r g i v a b l e **C** h r i s t m a s

_By Psycho Dreamer_

Forgivable Christmas

It's snowing.

I looked out the window covered in fog. I wiped away a little to watch as the frozen tears of God fell silently to the ground. Not one building or street was not covered in the snow that glittered in the moon light. I looked at the sky; it looked not only dark but cold as well like if you were to walk outside right now it would eat you up and swallow you into the coldness of its heart, into nothingness. The trees, no longer covered in beautiful, lush leaves, danced to the wind and made even those trees who were still alive envious.

Haha! What was beautiful night it is...

No one is out today. They're celebrating this "joyous" occasion with their loved ones. I can't blame them. It is Christmas Eve after all. Who wouldn't want to spend it with the ones they love? Someone who doesn't know the meaning of life, that's who. Course, I shouldn't talk right? I don't have anyone to celebrate with either. I'm…alone.

This is no surprise to me though. I'm completely used to it. I actually don't notice it anymore. I've been alone from the very beginning. From when the sun rises to when it sleeps, there hasn't been a moment in my life where I haven't felt the coldness in my heart. The coldness…that I wish someone would get rid off. When I look at the snow, I almost feel like I'm apart of it. Though there are some things that the snow and I have that are different. White means pure, and I'm not. But yet I still feel like a have something in common with it. People don't like the snow to much, because it's cold and it freezes. The snow may look gentle, but when you've been in it for too long, you may die. Yes, we have many things in common.

It's something I can live with though. Just like I could live with the fact that everyone in my village hates me, that I'm a monster, that the one I fell in love with doesn't acknowledge me, that I have no one to run to whenever I'm in pain. No big deal…

And just like that, I can live through another Christmas.

I shouldn't act like that though, like I will always be alone. Iruka-sensei told me that I will find someone very soon, someone who loves me for me and not for anything else. I mean, Iruka-sensei would never lie to me right? I will find someone soon, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. I know though, deep inside myself, that that will never happen. I'm a monster that nobody wants. I'm a toy that someone could use and throw away. I'm nothing.

Merry freakin' Christmas.

I turn away from my window. This is too much for me to take. This holiday always makes me think this deep and I don't like it. It annoys me and not only that, it breaks my heart even more. Soon, my heart won't be able to take it. I don't like looking at the snow. Not like when I was little. When I was small and innocent, I loved to play in it. Now…it just kills me inside.

I sighed. Once again, thinking to deep. _'Nice work Uzumaki. Just make your self more depressed.'_ I thought. Not the first time I've done it. I looked over to my clock. Eleven o'clock already? It'll be Christmas soon. In every house around twelve, I bet the parents will wake up and put the presents for the kids under the tree. They're wonderful Christmas tree that they decorated as a family. Family…

I wonder what it's like to have a family.

No, I will not think about that. I've been over this subject too many times. I promised myself I would never bring it up again. It was to protect myself, to keep me away from killing myself faster. Not that I'm doing such a good job at keeping myself together but…at least I'm trying.

It's so weird. I wasn't exactly like this last Christmas. I actually slept through it. I let it pass like it was just another day. Why is it this year that I start to think all these things? Maybe it's getting worse, my "condition." At least, that's why I like to call it, me being so fucked up.

I looked over at the clock again. Eleven o' five. Only five minutes have passed. I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands. _'This is too much for me.'_ I think. I can't take this anymore. All this thinking is starting to give me a headache. I got up from my seat by the window and stretched. Maybe a good sleep will do me some good. I might be able to keep going tomorrow if I sleep.

It will help clear my head, even a little. Like it could do any more damage, right?

I walked to my bed, pulled the covers away, and was about to lay down when I heard a knock on my door. I turned my head slightly and watched the door. I didn't like the feeling that suddenly hit me. I turned slightly to look at my clock and saw that not even five minutes have passed since I last looked at it.

_'Now who would come and visit me at this hour? Err…correction. Who would come and visit?'_ I thought as I turned my heard again to face the door. _'I don't like this one bit.'_

Thoughts of what happened to me when I was younger flew at my in all directions. I've had burglars in my apartment before. I've had people come and smash through my door and try to kill me. I've even had people come in and try to ra-no…not that memory…not now. Let's just say I know what to expect. I heard the knock again, this time it sounded calm but a little impatient.

When I thought back to all the horrible things that have happened to me I noticed a pattern in them all. None of them had people actually knocking on my door before trying to kill me. That calmed me a little. If the person on the other side of the door wanted to hurt me, they would have already. I can't be to sure though. It might be a trap.

_'What am I doing?'_ I thought. _'It's just some person knocking on my door. Where the hell am I getting this ridiculous idea that they came here to kill me? I've been living in fear for far too long…'_

Still, better safe than sorry. I grabbed a kunai from under my pillow and held it behind my back. I walked slowly to my door as I again heard the knocks, only this time, they were urgent. I quickened my pace and unlocked the door. In one swift move I opened it.

I couldn't see at first. The snow had come down harder from the last time I checked and the wind blew fierce. It took my eyes a couple of seconds to adjust but when they finally did I was able to see who my guest was.

Sasuke Uchiha.

I looked at his face and he looked at mine, a scowl on his. I blinked a couple of times just to make sure I wasn't imagining what I was seeing. What was Sasuke doing here?

"Usuratonkachi, are you gonna stand there and gawk or are you going to let me in?" Sasuke said with a slight frown on his face. I noticed that my mouth was slightly hanging and closed it. I blinked again and frowned.

"Sasuke you-"

Just then he pushed me out of the way and walked in. I looked over to him and watched him take off his boots, leaving them on the ground next to mine. Then he took of his coat and scarf, revealing that he had a tight, long sleeved, black shirt on, the Uchiha symbol on the back. He hung them up by my coat and slowly turned to me. He crossed his arms and smirked.

"Dobe, would you close the door. You're letting the cold in." My eyes widened slightly as I turned around and closed the door, locking it.

I slowly turned back to Sasuke and frowned again. Of all the people that had to come, it had to be him.

_'Great.'_ I thought. _'This is going to be difficult for me. Its bad enough I have to fake that damn smile while I'm training with them but when I'm at my own home too. God hates me.'_

"What are you doing here Sasuke? Shouldn't you be at home…or maybe at one of your fan girls houses?" I asked. I hope he didn't hear the envy that slipped out. Course it wasn't envy for Sasuke getting all the girls.

Sasuke scowled again. _'If he keeps doing that, his face will stay that way.'_

"I was walking home when I got stuck in that damn snow storm. Your house was the only one close by." I looked at Sasuke for a second long and finally sighed.

"Oh…" I also hope he didn't hear the slight disappointment in my voice. Of course, he got stuck in a snow storm. He didn't come to see me. Keep dreaming Naruto.

I looked up again and saw that he was holding something in his hand. It was a small bag, nothing special but it caught my attention. I wanted to change the subject so I decided to ask him.

"What is that? A gift for Sakura?" I asked pointing to the bag.

Sasuke looked down and frowned. He then moved the bag behind him and glared at the ground. I was surprised to see his cheeks slightly red but I mistook that for being in the cold for too long.

"It's nothing." Sasuke took the bag and put it inside his jacket. He then walked away and sat on the ground a few feet away from my tree.

I stood in silence as I watched him. He looked up at me and smirked. That boy always smirks…

"What?" I asked.

"It seems you were expecting someone else?" He pointed to the kunai in my hand. I looked down. Oh right. Forgot about that. I threw the kunai against my wall; I didn't care if it did any damage.

Sasuke frowned and turned his head slightly to look at the kunai. The he turned to eyes to look at me.

"Aren't you going to sit down, dobe?"

I closed my eyes and breathed in. I didn't want to sit down. I wanted him to leave, I wanted to be alone. At the same time though, I wanted him to be with me, to never leave. This hurts more than it should. To be in the same room as the one you care about, to be sitting with the one that you wish you could hold, to kiss. Well, no one ever said love was easy. I just wished that the love I felt for him was the same love he felt for me. No, that could never be. For one, Sasuke would never love me. I don't even think he thinks of us as friends, I'm just an annoyance to him. I do know that Sakura doesn't consider me her friend. I always ruin her chances to be with Sasuke. It's not really my fault. I mean, yes, there were times where I might have "accidentally" ruined her chances, but I've stopped doing that. I stopped because I knew that Sasuke would never want me. He wasn't gay, he was straight. He was my rival, and rivals don't date. I would ruin his life if I kept this jealousy. Besides…Sakura and Sasuke are…meant for each other. She would make him happy; she would give him kids, a family, a clan. She could make him smile, right?

My heart broke a little as soon as I thought that.

I mentally sighed. One more thing to add to my list of horrible things to think about during Christmas. Wonderful.

I walked toward Sasuke and sat down by the tree. Never once did I look at Sasuke face. I kept my eyes on the floor or his feet. I didn't want to see those eyes. I know exactly what I would have seen. The same look everyone gave me in the village.

Hatred.

That's something you don't want to see from the one you love.

I finally breathed out and got my smile ready. I hate having to do this, to put a wall up. I looked up, my eyes closed and a grin on my face, scratching the back of my head. A normal routine that the Naruto Uzumaki Sasuke knows would have done.

"Jeeze, teme! The least you could have done was brought me something. I mean, I wouldn't have minded if you brought some ramen over or something!" I did a normal scowl I would have given to Sasuke if Sakura or Kakashi-sensei were there. There would be no way he could tell the difference.

I opened my eyes slightly to look at his face, if only for a moment. Before I closed my eyes again to give him that same goofy grin, I saw something in his eyes. It looked almost as if he was confused.

"What's wrong with you dobe?" He asked.

I finally looked at him and put on a fake, confused look.

"What are you talking about teme? I'm fine. I think you're seeing things."

I forced a laugh. He didn't look fooled.

_'Crap…better do something else before he suspects anything.'_

"Oi teme! Why won't you tell me what's in that bag of yours? Is it a secret?" I leaned in a little. A smirk on my face.

Sasuke looked back, a bored look on his face but I could still see confusion in his eyes.

"Hn. Dobe, I'm not going to tell you anything unless you tell me what the hell is wrong with you." The look of confusion was gone and was replaced with something else. I couldn't tell what though.

I looked into his eyes this time and looked down. I just had to keep playing Naruto and he will stop asking. That's all I had to do. When I looked back up I noticed that he was slightly shivering. His hair was covered in snow that had starting to melt from the heat in the room. His hair glistened, almost as if he was part of the snow. He was beautiful.

My hands formed into fist as I held the urge to kiss him right then and there. Instead I focused on helping Sasuke. I couldn't leave him like that so I got up and walked toward my bathroom. I didn't turn around to see if he was going to follow me or if he was just watching me. I walking into my bathroom and grabbed a couple of towels. Then I grabbed some extra pair of pants since his looked a little wet.

I walked back to him and was about to throw the towels at him when I decided not too. He was here, he was my guest. Even though it wouldn't be "Narutoish" of me, I would still be kind. I sat down behind him; put the towel over his head, and started to dry him myself. I could feel him shivering so I pressed myself closer to him. My body heat should warm him up even a little. I felt him tense but soon he started to relax under the gentle massage I was giving his head.

I could feel his muscles from under the shirt. His back was starting to warm up, it was making me blush. I have never been this close to him before. So close, yet so far away. I knew this was how close I was ever going to get to him so I was going to enjoy the moment before it went away. This is only a taste of the wine that I couldn't drink.

I felt a slight pain in my chest and winced. Damn, not now.

I stopped drying Sasuke's hair and took the towel away. He turned around slightly and without looking at him I handed him the pants I got. To my surprise, instead of denying them, he gently took them away from my hands. He didn't look back as he walked to the bathroom and closed the door.

I sighed in relief, relief that he didn't see me almost break and relief that he wasn't there to cause it. I looked over at the clock. Counting the minutes I noticed that he had only been here for three minutes. Three minutes that seemed like three hours. If I was like this for only a couple of minutes, could I survive a couple of hours?

Sasuke was here in my home. No, no he wasn't here to see me. He got stuck in a storm. As soon as the storm passes, he will leave. He will be grateful to leave. He wouldn't want to stay with a monster like me. No, he will be happy.

I felt the pain in my heart, it was getting worse. It felt like I couldn't even breathe. I took in small breaths, trying to get my lungs to work again. I could feel my heart, crap, it was burning. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep myself together. No, I could not break now. Not now. Please…

I didn't hear the door open as Sasuke walked in and sat next to me. I kept my eyes closed, my arms wrapped around myself. It was too late to change positions. I just hoped that he wouldn't question. I don't think I can talk.

"Naruto…?" I heard him ask.

"Crap…" I mumbled. He spoke my name, it hurt.

"What's wrong?" He asked softly, he was so close to me, I could feel his breath on my face.

I breathed in and out, I needed to be calm. I needed to act like Naruto. I could pretend, just for a couple of hours more, right? I mean, I do it everyday. I'm a good actor, I could do it.

I raised my hand up slightly and smiled. It was a simple smile that should assure him that I'm okay.

"Haha, nothings wrong teme! I just feel a little sick, is all. I think I'm coming down with the flu, you better stay away teme or else you might get it too."

"Hn. Usuratonkachi, I told you not to walk around outside without your jacket."

I turned to him and grinned. "Yeah, I know. Sorry 'bout that teme!"

He turned his head slightly and frowned. He knows, I know he knows. I decided to change the subject.

"So, were you going Christmas shopping or something? There must have been a good reason for you to go walking, right?"

He turned his head away slightly. "No, I just felt like walking. That's all."

"Well, that's a stupid reason! You were probably training or something, right? Trying to get better than me. You can't beat me!"

Okay, now I was pushing it. That was a little over the top. Fuck! Have to stay in character.

Sasuke looked over and me and scowled. I turned my head away and grinned. The grin should help. I then saw him look over to my tree. He frowned when he saw it. Then he looked underneath and saw only three presents. He gave me a weird look and I understand exactly what he wanted to ask me.

"I can't afford lights, or any Christmas decorations. I was only ever able to get a tree. It's not that big of a deal." I said, shrugging. I was telling the truth there. I actually didn't have any money to buy anything for Christmas. I needed the money for food; the only present I was ever able to buy for someone was Iruka-sensei because he was almost like a father to me. It also wasn't that big of a deal to me because I didn't really celebrate this holiday.

"And the presents?" He asked.

"What about them?" I asked.

"There are only three."

"So?"

He frowned and looked over at the tree again. "Aren't you supposed to have more than that?"

I grinned my fake grin at him. "It doesn't matter how many presents you get! It's the joy of giving that's important. Besides, bastard, not all of our Christmas trees can be filled with presents from our fan girls!"

He scowled again and growled. He really hates his little fan club so to always mention it is really a low blow.

"You didn't get any from Sakura or Kiba or any one else?"

I looked over to him for a second and turned back to staring at the tree. Kiba and I are slight friends but not close enough to call buddies. Course he wouldn't give me a gift. Sakura hates me so…that's a no for her. Everyone else pretty much ignores me but I don't mind. I don't need so many presents anyway.

"Nope, I told them I didn't want anything for Christmas." A lie of course. It's sad that I could do this so easily.

He had a thoughtful expression on his face and then turned to me. His eyes were soft and gentle but had a hint of curiosity in them.

"Who are they from?" He asked.

I turned to stare at the presents and smiled a small smile.

"One's from Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei. Though I think Iruka just put his name on there. One's from Baa-chan and the others from Jiraiya, that old pervert. He probably got me one of his porn books. He thinks I'm at the right age to start learning about the female body. Well, from his point of view." I laughed. It was true, that damn pervert thinks I should start having sex since I'm older now.

It made me smile to think of them. I shouldn't completely say that I didn't have a family. Baa-chan and pervy-sage are kind of like my grandparents while Iruka-sensei is like my father. Still, even when they're there, I still feel alone.

"Why aren't you with them?" I heard Sasuke ask.

Without even thinking of the questioned, I answered what was in my mind.

"Iruka-sensei wanted me to spend Christmas with him and Kakashi-sensei but I told him no. I didn't want to be the third wheel. I told him that Sakura invited me over her house for Christmas and that I would spend it with her family so he shouldn't worry about me. I'm not selfish enough to keep Iruka with me when he could have fun with Kakashi.

"Baa-chan and pervy-sage were going to spend Christmas drinking, almost like it was the New Year! I told them the same lie I told Iruka. I just hoped that none of them asked Sakura about that. I'll have to warn her later."

I frowned as a looked at the tree. I sighed and closed my eyes. I hate having to tell lies to my friends, my family. It hurt, but I wanted them to be happy and to not worry about me. If that meant my happiness then so be it.

"So you're spending Christmas alone." It wasn't a question.

"Yup, but it's not new for me! I used to it." I smiled up at him.

I looked at his face and saw him frown. My smile soon faded and I looked down at the ground again.

"It hurts doesn't it? You can feel it. It's taking its toll on you." I looked up at him with a confused look on my face. I knew what he was talking about though.

"What do you mean?"

"Being alone. It hurts. I know."

Yes, he does now. He's been alone since he was nine. His family was killed by his brother, a brother that he trusted. His pain must hurt worse than mine. I've had people betray me, but no one so close to me that he was almost like my brother.

"I'm sorry." I said. I was.

"Why? You didn't cause it. Besides, I don't want your pity."

I scowled. "I'm not giving you pity teme! Why would I pity a bastard like you?" I yelled.

He smirked at me. This boy loved to start trouble, I know it.

"Hn. Usuratonkachi. Don't yell, you'll give me a headache."

"Bastard! I'll yell as much as I want! This is my house after all!!"

In that instant I felt at peace. The way we yelled at each other, it felt as if we had been friends since we were younger. It was an amazing feeling that I loved. That I wish I could feel every single day. After I had yelled at him I giggled. I laughed. I fell to the floor holding my stomach as I felt this incredible emotion engulf me, slightly healing the cuts in my heart. It felt wonderful.

I looked up to see Sasuke looking at me with a confused look. His face expression made me laugh harder. Finally, after I calmed down and wiped the tears away from my eyes, I looked up to Sasuke and saw him…smiling.

It was the first time I have ever seen him smile. It was a beautiful smile, a smile that would even make God jealous. It made me smile back. This time, I didn't have to force it.

"I wish you would smile more, Sasuke. It looks good on you."

"I wish you would laugh more, Naruto. It sounds beautiful when it's not forced."

I blinked and frowned. Yes, he knew, he always knew. What in the world made me think that I could hide it from him?

"How long?" I asked. How long have I put this little charade on only to be acting for an audience who already knew I was faking?

"Since we were nine I have known. I've seen you everyday; you would hold yourself tight, hiding your face from the entire world. Then when you would lift up your face, the smile would be there."

I smiled a sad smile and chuckled. "Of course, I should have known. I could never fool the great Uchiha, right?"

Sasuke frowned at this.

"Yes, it does hurt. It hurts a lot. I've never felt so much pain before. But again, it's nothing I can't handle."

"That's what I thought too."

I watched him with curious eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

He looked over at me, his eyes meeting mine.

"When I was younger, I thought I could handle the pain of being alone, of being without love, without feeling. It was a piece of cake at first. I had gone completely numb. I couldn't feel a thing. When people would ask me questions, I answered them but nothing more. I wouldn't make up conversations with anyone. I wouldn't talk to anyway, play with anyone. I was alone. Completely alone. That was until I met you.

"When I met you, I felt the numbness of my body slowly fade away. When you held my hand and asked me to play with you. I felt…alive, more alive than I had ever felt before. The pain was gone and I could feel again. I loved being with you because you made the pain stop, even for a couple of hours. And then when you had to leave, everything changed. You left and the pain returned. Only this time, the numbness wouldn't come back.

"When I saw you again, I noticed that the pain left me and I was once again free and happy with you. Then when you left again I felt it again. It was a cycle, a cycle of pain and happiness. I always wanted to be with you because you got rid of it. You made me happy."

I sat there stunned.

"Sasuke…"

"That's why I came here. I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it today so I came to your house, even for a little while, the pain wouldn't be there and I would be happy with you."

So it wasn't the storm. He really wanted to be with me. Sasuke wanted to be with me. He was happy…happy…

I felt something wet fall down my cheek. I wiped it away and noticed that it was a tear. Was I crying?

I was crying.

"Sasuke…" I hiccupped. I watched him and he watched me with an expressionless face. He was waiting, waiting for something. I think I know what.

"Sasuke!" I sobbed. Suddenly I found myself within his grasp, his arms tightly holding me, never letting go. His head was on top of mine, moving up and down as he comforted me, his forehead against mine. I didn't realize I was crying until I heard a muffled cry and noticed that it was me. I was actually crying.

I hadn't cried in so many years…the pain, the pain was fading. It was finally fading. Everything I've held in. Everything. It was finally going away.

I cried for what seemed like hours was only in minutes. When I finally calmed down enough to talk, I looked up at him. His eyes were locked on mine.

"Sasuke, you're the only one I need. You're the only one I want to be with. I've always loved you, it was just…"

His eyes locked on mine and I found myself leaning closer to him. Our lips so close I could feel his breath on my face. It made me shiver. Suddenly, he closed the distance between us. Our lips met in a soft but urgent kiss. Slowly, he kissed me. His lips were soft against my chapped ones. I held him close to me, almost afraid that he would leave, that he would disappear.

So suddenly had our kiss begun, it ended and I was left panting holding Sasuke's face close to mine.

"Naruto…I love you." I heard.

Those words brought hope and life into me.

I grabbed Sasuke's face again and brought him into a deeper kiss. My mouth moved with his as he held me close to his body, I fit perfectly against him.

"Sasuke, I love you." I said as I finally released him.

And as soon as I said that I heard the bells ring, signaling that it was Christmas Day already. Twelve o'clock had finally reached.

I turned to Sasuke and laughed. He laughed with me as he held me close, my whole body in his lap.

"I do believe this would be a good time to give you your gift." I heard Sasuke say. He picked me up and gently laid me on my bed. Then we walked back to his jacket, took out the bag, and walked back to me.

He handed me the bag and told me to open it. Slowly I began to open the present and what I saw inside was the most beautiful present I could ever receive.

It was a necklace made completely of silver. On the end of the necklace was a ring. A ring I noticed instantly was Sasuke's mothers. I had seen her wear it when we were younger. The ring was gold, a beautiful shade that hadn't faded over time. Inside the ring, the words **'Forever'** were engraved.

"Thank you…" I whispered hugging him tighter than before.

He laughed as he held me.

"You're welcome, Naruto. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Sasuke."

From then I knew that I would never be alone again. I knew Sasuke would always be with me and I would never feel the pain of my heart breaking. No, this time, I will feel the love of someone close to me, healing my heart.

_~Owari~_


End file.
